Have you ever arrived somewhere after a long (possibly plane journey) and felt that, while your physical body is present, there are parts of you that are still somewhere else, possibly high over the water somewhere, possibly still lingering at your last destination?
This happens to me regularly. Particularly when I am returning home after an intense trip, whether work or personal. When I arrive, I have the sweet sensation of home-coming, but it is soon followed by a sense of deep dysregulation – at an emotional and also often physical level. It often has negative repercussions both for my own mood and for my relationships with those around me. It lasts a few days and feels like it is a new permanent state of being. And then something shifts and the world feels OK again.
In a very real sense I feel as though my body and spirit have become disconnected. As though part of me is traveling faster than the rest can catch up. Which leads to real difficulty in the different parts of me communicating with each other. And while there are things I can do to ease this discomfort – returning to my practices, connecting with friends, distracting myself, and of course, getting lots and lots of sleep – a bit like when I am on a hike with small kids, there is nothing for the faster part of me to do than to wait until the rest catches up.
I know that I’m not the first person to write about this as a phenomena of long distance travel (I’d be so curious to travel sometime between the US and the UK by boat and see if the whole of me travelled at the same speed). But I’m now curious as to how this plays out in other parts of our lives. For example when we get a new role that part of us is fully ready for and part of us is not (e.g. a promotion where we have all the strategic skills to see the path, but are still reluctant to face some of the difficult personnel consequences). Or a relationship ending, where part of us knows that it is time for closure and part of us is still enjoying the comfort of a well-worn connection. Or even an early morning start where part of us is cognitively ready to jump onto that zoom call to solve the biggest challenges of the day and another part is needing the nourishment of sleep. Sometimes it is a clear head/heart/body dissonance. Sometimes the divides are more complex.
But whatever the disconnect, it’s uncomfortable. At least for me.
So what to do? I’m not completely sure and I welcome other people sharing their experiences. I have recognized that the first step is to name and acknowledge it. And the next is to recognize that this state is also not permanent and it will shift. Eventually. And then, in addition to staying grounded in my own supportive practices (for me right now meditation, journaling, sleep and yoga but those change), asking myself the question of what I need to do (or not do) to allow all parts of myself to come back into alignment. To come back into the same location. Using the examples above; for the new job maybe I need to reach out to get support or coaching/mentoring in the areas I am not yet comfortable; maybe I need to stay connected in the relationship so that I am really sure and still can savor what is good about it; for early mornings what can I do to tend to my needs after the meeting. And for jetlag it’s often just allowing myself to be in the ‘hole’ until it passes.
It’s not easy for me – but I also take comfort after a long trip in imagining my spirit gracefully flying over the north pole, beating its wings to its own pace and taking the views in as it comes back into the orbit of my body that ‘cheated’ and went the quick way!
