I’ve been thinking hard about this idea of when and whether we are operating at full thrust or not.. And whether we are awarding ourselves A for effort, or impact or both? I’m also teaching a class at the local university this semester with a friend and colleague which has me immersed back into the world of grades and grading. Maybe it is that touch back into the academic world that has me thinking about this so much right now.
In the last two weeks I’ve had at least three conversations with fellow coaches, clients and friends where people have shared that they aren’t able to operate at 100% at the moment. In the context of self care and self compassion this has been offered in the spirit of celebration. Something along the lines of I’ve realized I’m human and I can’t be full on all the time and so I’m dialing it back a little. And several times offered with the context that they have been told that their 70% is actually better than someone else’s 100%.
I’m not dismissing this framing at all. It’s been really helpful to me at various points of stress and overwhelm. To be given (or to give myself) ‘permission’ to dial back the degree to which my foot is on the accelerator. To slow down. To drive at ‘only’ 80% for a while in order to recharge or simply to make it through something.
Right now though I’m seeing it from a different angle that I wanted to share to see if it resonates with anyone else. When I’m celebrating having the wisdom and maturity to ‘only’ operate at 80% capacity, I’m still implicitly believing a) that I’m not bringing my full best self to the task at hand and b) that somewhere there is a clear rubric against which I am being graded (or grading myself) that has objective measures of what 80%, 100%, 150% would be.
What if…
What if… when I show up at ‘80%’, or ‘50%’ or whatever ‘less-than-full-percent’ of me I bring to the table, that isn’t the only rubric and against another scorecard it would look very different? What if bringing a half baked idea to the brainstorming meeting allows others space to throw their ideas in more boldly ending up with a different design? What if not being the first to volunteer for something gives someone else a chance to step in that allows them to lead? What if saying no to something because I’m just too tired, creates space in my calendar that allows something better to take its place?
And how do I decide what’s 100% anyway? Am I using my own rubric or am I using someone else’s, comparing myself to my boss who has 20+ years more experience and no kids at home, or the new creative colleague in town, who is working hard to establish new networks and groups.
I’m clearly (I hope) not making the case for half assing (excuse my language) it all the time.There are times when we have to buckle down and give something everything we’ve got. But I am inviting us to check in and see who is creating the rubrics by which we are judging our lives. And to see whether sometimes we maybe want to update the rubric or even (occasionally) toss it out the window and just show up.
My new invitation is to being my full self whether at work, at play, at home or on my own and to let go of the judgement of what grade I’m giving myself.
For more thought-provoking reading on this I invite you to explore How to do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy by Jenny Odell.
(Note: There is a wonderful irony that I kept delaying on posting this article because I didn’t feel it was good enough! So here is me putting my money where my mouth is and posting something at 80%)
