Several years ago I was about to leave for a conference on innovation in San Francisco when my boss asked me what my plans for networking there were. This threw me into a sense of panic for two, potentially contradictory, reasons. On the one hand, as a borderline introvert, the idea of going up to people simply for the sake of meeting them, threw me into a sense of anxiety. On the other, the transactional nature of connecting with the intent of seeing what each person could do for me, felt really transactional and equally off-putting.
Fast forward to today and I spend a lot of time thinking about networking, and how loaded a term it is. In some cultures, it is overt and there is no shame in attending events with the explicit aim to network. In others, the notion is often seen as some what sketchy. Networking happens but under the guise of something else. I work with clients who struggle to network for many reasons – anxiety, introversion, conditioning, distaste, exclusion from networking events based on their identity/ies. And we explore how to reframe and find ways to reach out and connect with others in ways that feel authentic to them.
Most recently I came to a reframe that works for me. What if instead of traditional networking, I switched my frame of reference to the idea of ‘net-weaving’? What if each interaction was about weaving a new thread of connection into my own network of support and community, knowing that at the same time my own thread is woven into the other persons net? What if it is about mutual reciprocity and each new connection contains a potential gift to be given and to be received? Maybe that gift is something immediate and concrete such as a conversation that leads to a new piece of work or grant or collaboration? Maybe it is more subtle – someone who is networking with me to look for career opportunities, simultaneously inspires me with their energy and enthusiasm for the work that I have lost.
For me, when I do this, I find myself excited about going out to meet and connect with new people. It becomes less transactional and more explorational. I become less fixed on an outcome and more engaged with the pattern and the conversation and the relationship.
I intentionally chose this picture of nets (thank you google!) because nets have dual purpose – we use them to catch things we are looking for, and we use safety nets to catch us when we are in danger of falling. And a good net needs to be maintained to ensure that fabric stays strong.
So now, when I am net-weaving I bear the following things in mind regardless whether I am the one to have initiated the connection or it is the other way round:
- I look for the reciprocity. What is the offering that I bring into the conversation as well as what are they gifting to me?
- I focus on the person – what do I have to learn from them?
- I try not to get too focused on a particular outcome – that can blind me to other possibilities
- I remember that networks take time – and threads that are connected, may not pay off for some time to come.
What makes networking (or net-weaving) easier or harder for you? How do you decide where to build your networks? How do you evaluate your own success?
